Tears……….

Tears are usually the best friend of mine. Sometimes I would think that my life will only filled with sorrow, anger and heart-broken. I've been disappointed with many things; and the most, my upper secondary life. Nowadays, I've been disappointed with my work.. My performances, the environment in the office. This work has started killing me. However, I realized now that I don't have no more tears. I just cry in my heart, and this gives me so much tense. I think that I prefer to cry out loud, rather than kept it to myself. Darn!!! I don't need this now. Lucky that I have my beloved fiancé to calm me down. Now, for the first time in my life, I has something that I am satisfied with. Yes, I used to write about loving toads rather than a prince. At last, I've finally found my prince charming… And I really hope that this time, I was his missing ribs. Thank you my love, coz you brighten my gloomy life. I know that I already have a shoulder to cry on, although now I forget what tears of sadness looks like…… Coz now what I always cry off is the tears of happiness and love….

True Love Tale!!

I wasn't sure enough, when a man came to me, asking me; "would you marry me?" I know I hardly know him… I know that I just know him, befriend with him a few months ago. Although we know each other quite a long time, but it just that "I know you" type. When I say 'yes' to his proposal… I made my unique world upside down.

I can't forget him, neither hates him. He is just one of my sweet, bitter memories. However, deep down in my heart, I know that this guy actually is not my destiny. I can't adopt into his world, neither did him. He wanted me to adapt his old-fashion, conservative culture, but he, himself can't tolerates with mine. Until I realize that my loyalty is just waste less, I've decide to take and follow my own path….

Broken hearted, me myself felt like wanted to run away from my friends. Grapevine, gossips, rumors about me being mean to him spread through the entire university. This is the consequences for being in love with someone famous. I am lucky as I'm already finishing my study. I struggling with my own self, missing him, loving him and trying to hate him, but I know that it's over. I kept myself reserved, missing him more until I hardly bear the pain. However, The Almighty is full of mercy; His Love to me shows me the right path that I should choose. And my patience is blessed.

Finally I met my true love… Thanks for all this time, you always be at my side, encourage me. Thank you.

THORN IN MY HEART!!!

Only god knows how painful my heart is when I know the truth.

Betrayal!!!

Why on earth that I always have to face this kind of friendship???

Who should I actually believe?

Who can I trust???

I am damn frustrated right now. Feel like wanted to scream, feel like wanted to get off from my seat right now.

Am I too kind, too soft-hearted until my friends could easily take advantage on me?

Am I too useless until they can't see my true self?

Oh Almighty God, please give me strength, give me patience in facing this situation.

Please show me Your mercy, give me all your 'hikmah' to me in this situation.

I am here, just my body, but not my soul.

I am becoming the living dead as my mind is not with me anymore.

Please help me O' Mighty Allah!!!

Ya Allah, besarnya ujianmu ke atas hati hambamu….

Ampunkan aku Ya Allah di atas kekhilafan diri ini.

My Life…..

This is my true life…These days, I feel damn tired. Tired with my working environment. Tired to be the third party of this journey of unknown princess, the story teller. It's no point when you 'ckp kias-kias' when you suffering and all of sudden its started to kill me softly. Darn!!!

Change to bahasa melayu….

Penat…Kecewa….Semua ader dan bermain di mindaku. Kecewa kerana manusia dan ragamnya. Penat melihat apabila melihat umat Nabi Muhammad S.A.W iri hati dan cuba menjatuhkan antara satu sama lain. Itulah manusia. Pepatah melayu : "Rambut sama hitam, hati lain-lain". Ader yang kejam, ada yang lebut hati. Yang kuat sentiasa menang, yang lemah sentiasa ditindas…Lumrah dunia.

Teringat zaman belajar. Sebelum aku berjaya menyambung pelajaran ke Ijazah Sarjana Muda Komunikas Massa (Penerbitan). Aku memilih untuk memohon TESL di universiti yang sama. Pada masa yang sama, aku ditawarkan oleh British Council untuk menyambung pelajaran di Canada. Sesuatu yang tidak pernah diceritakan kepada sesiapa selain keluargaku. Namun begitu, halangan dari satu-satunya kekandaku dan juga kedua ayah bonda membuatkan aku terpaksa melupakan niat untuk menyambung di sana. Tidak membenci mereka kerana aku tahu mereka lebih mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk ku. Kekanda ku tidak rela melepaskan adindanya kerana dia telah mengetahui perit dan susahnya merantau ke Negara orang, tambahan pula peristiwa 9/11 masih baru, dan hanya aku seorang sahaja ditawarkan ke sana, membuatkan dia gusar untuk melepaskanku. Sementara kedua orang tuaku tidak rela melepaskan puterinya kerana tidak sanggup berjauhan. Terlepaslah peluang keemasanku.

"Hujan emas di negara orang, hujan batu di negara sendiri. Lebih baik di negara sendiri".

Itulah keputusan paling susah untuk dibuat aku waktu itu. Permohonan TESL tidak berjaya. Padan muka aku…Muet punya pasal.

"They go for band 4", penolong pendaftar di sana yang cuba membantuku di dalam rayuanku memberitahu.

Memang betul-betul padan muka aku. Lain kali masa nak amik exam, main-mainlah lagi. Lepas tu tertidor dalam dewan periksa. Ader jin yang akan tolong kau amik periksa tu…Hehehe…Dahla bangun tidor abang angkat ku yang baik hati tolong kejutkan. Terimalah akibatnya.

Inilah akibat apabila semangat ke'komader'an yang tinggi, actually malam sebelum exam, aku tgh sibuk training untuk jambori. Habis exam, aku trus cabut ke Pahang. Tidor lambat, dalam pukul 1 pagi….hinggalah deringan telefon bimbitku berbunyi.

"Renee, bangun. Ader Muet kan,' lembut suara abangku seorang mengejutkan aku bangun dari lenaku.

"Tak nak pegi boleh tak?" malasnya aku, kerana aku tahu sudah semestinya aku tidak mampu memberikan yang terbaik sewaktu menjawab kertas soalan. Dan telahanku betul, kerana waktu essay, selama dua jam, aku tertidur selama satu setengah jam(walaupun berjaya siapkan essay). Dan keputusannya, Yeay!!! Padan muka aku sbb tak dapat masuk TESL.

Journey to the knowledge of life...

The king & queen of hearts, screamed in excitement when the letter arrived. Their adorable youngest princess has been invited to the world of knowledge. To be the princess of wisdom, to be a knowledgeable and honorable princess amongst the others. They are so proud, as both their princesses are well taught, and educated. They have already gave their love to the fullest to both of them. When their first princess getting married, and give them a full live of proud and happiness, they starting to hope that their youngest princess to be as reliable, as educated, and well taught as her sister. And their youngest princess makes a silence vow as she will never let their hope becomes ashes. She will learn and gained the knowledge that they hope she will get and be a good child to them. And the journey began.....

The kingdom of knowledge....is just not knowledge on the books that others thought so...It is actually more to knowledge of life. This princess have learn a lot of things when she felt into the kingdom of the damned...When she used to lost her way and ended up there...When her parents decided to send her to the kingdom of wisdom, she know that she could face all of the challenge that will come to her. And she was thankful that she had been given a second chance to redeem her sin.

The kingdom of wisdom...Is not only a kingdom that provide knowledge to its minions. They also thought about friendships, hobbies, interest and the most precious, they thought their minions to choose their path of life. If the person is not strong enough to face the tricks and cache in order to gain their own wisdom, they will ended straight into the kingdom of the damned. And the princess survives. She met her true friends, her true love (although few toads in the first few years) and also her path to the kingdom of of happiness...And then she realize...her path is leading her to the journey of a challenging but beautiful life.... (^_^)

Loving toads who would never turn into a prince!

Usually, when someone in love, they do not care what is his/her lover looks like. They can cope with their bad behavior. They adore their lover so much. I used to have the same feelings as them....Adore most of my partners so much. I tend to cope all their habits, their attitude, although sometimes they hurt me so much... Until I realise that i am dating with a toad rather than a prince. Although how hard I try to change them to turn into a prince and live with me in the kingdom of happiness and love, but they would never be. And do not tend to be. They wanted me to become toads like them. I try to, but i too can't cope with their lifestyle. That when I started to think, is this the man that i have to live with? forever? Until both of us have skeleton in our closet, i've decided to make a move...I have to move on to my own path, leaving that nasty toads behind in the journey of finding my prince. I believe that i deserve a prince rather than living in toads hole. They aren't match for me. They are not destined to be my soulmates. I do not want to waste my precious life living with a man that i do not know his sincerity. I already have a deep cut in my heart. I just hoping that there's a prince that would come to be my savior of love. I just hope that I would find him and he will come and save me from this lonely kingdom tower.

Miserable...and a curse!

Thought wanted to remind myself, to forget and forgive. Hard to believe, this kind and soft hearted person can be very stubborn. Can't forget, and can't forgive. Remembering the past, which is more like a thorn into my heart. I can't forget him, neither to forgive. Hurt, is the suitable word to express it. Taking advantage at my weaknesses. Making ma' life during the school days miserable. I regret that I ever knew him. I regret that I ever befriend with her. This two person have made me really live in miserable. Really hate them.

However, time goes by, and i don't even bother bout them anymore. Though, deep within my heart, i've cursed them rest of their life. What they give to me, they will get it bad....And i think they already get it... Hope they realized that what they have done to this princess and would regret it forever, coz...I really can't forgive them...FOREVER!

Memory that can't be forgotten!!!!

Knowing him is the best thing in my life.... Loving him was the sweetest memory that I have. Losing him was the scariest...nightmare that i ever have. I really love him. My first love....my true love, gone with him. Till death do us apart...That what is the last words that he ever say to me... I didn't imagine that it will come true. Yes, DEATH. A cruel facts. Still, until now i can feel the coolness of the water that took him away from. Still, i can see his smile to me, still i can feel his cold body at my hand, and still, in the middle of night, i can hear his voice, and feel his warm hand touching my my hand. Hopefully, I still can face this cruel life, even without him by my side. And he always be with me, inside my heart.

The First Tale

This life, is not always be an easy life.

Sumtimes it can be very miserable, sumtimes it can be very sweet.

I looked my years of experiences in life as a journey...Journey towards to the after and eternal life.

People make mistakes. Oh yes....Mistakes.

I always makes mistakes.

Mistakes that we can't avoid, and from the mistakes that we made, we learned many valuable lessons, lessons that we never forget, and will be my guide in facing this cruel, reality of life.....